I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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