areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
