I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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