I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
