I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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