Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
