We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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