Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
