I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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