I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Is Oprah even human
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
