i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
