just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
