the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
