the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
did you just send me my own nude
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
