GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
