After last night, I could never be a politician.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Randomize
