It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
