Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
this hospital has no fireball
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
