I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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