Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
