You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
