Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize