just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Dicks are not precious.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
