marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
