you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
