I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
