i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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