Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
