She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize