why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize