I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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