So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The Olympian is in my bed
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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