It's Friday. Sex?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
