Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
