idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
