your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Are these your boobs on my camera?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
