Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
