Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
