You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
