this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
