idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
