Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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