so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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