Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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