At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
