I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Send help, water and tortillas.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize