New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
