I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
