the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
