I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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