I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
