I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
