no, he came in my armpit
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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