I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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