Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize