she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
