Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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