you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
