Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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