When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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