at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
