Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
