Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
