His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
