How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
