What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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