my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You smell like a Billy Joel song
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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