Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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