i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
