Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
