I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
