you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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