You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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