how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
