Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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