I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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