did you get engaged???
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
