I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize