She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
