I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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